stream of consciousness

ever notice how the longer you put something off the harder it becomes to do it? and then it's just the opposite when you do something more frequently. that's how it is with me and writing. i know i just posted yesterday but it felt good and i wanna to do it again.

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found this prize at the end of someone's driveway this morning:

wonder what people would do if i left this at the end of my driveway...

hehe, look how wigged-out she looks ;-) we had this exact same car in red when i was a kid. or maybe it was yellow. let's meet in the middle and say it was orange. i loved that little orange car...

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i'm such an obnoxious grammar freak (says the girl writing in all lowercase). i just used the "contact us" link on a website i was browsing to inform them of a misspelling i'd detected. #grammartool

in my defense, they were very grateful. i would want to know if there was a misspelling on my website. after all, it's the face of your business. you're welcome, littletotsmusictogether.com. (it's still there, by the way. see if you can find it...)

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i could probably write a whole post on this, but i have totally become one of those people who uses text and email as a crutch to never ever ever have to pick up a phone. especially at work. it's really a problem. terry asks me all the time, "why don't you just pick up the phone and call him?" whenever i have to inform him that so-and-so still has not responded to the 87 emails i've sent.

why not indeed? when i was a kid, i had no choice, so it was a discomfort i was forced to confront on a regular, healthy basis. i was actually making some emotional progress until the damn internet and cell phone pranced onto the scene.

it's gotten so bad, that while lamenting the fact that we never see each other anymore, i actually said this to jule:

"dude, i have an idea! we should talk on the phone like we did back in the day!" 

way to go, socrates. you should start a blog. 

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so, i always forget when it's a holy day of obligation. today, for once, i remembered. and by "i remembered" i obviously mean "my mom reminded me". i've felt like such a bad catholic lately and so i was all pumped to go to mass with her and my dad, and what happens right as we're ready to head out? the baby falls asleep. i wake her up, she freaks out, i rush into thomas' room to calm her down, and what happens then? she calms down. and falls asleep. again. 

now my folks are at mass getting showered with grace and i am sitting on the edge of thomas' bed lest she roll off of it. i know it's the intent that counts, but, i mean... geeze. i kinda felt like i needed this. oh well. time to shake it off, put down the computer, and think holy thoughts.

i'll leave you all with a couple of big ol' "i'll miss you" faces from the woman of the hour.

this old apartment

i've often wished i could update my blog the way i update my facebook status, in spurts. because i don't always (and to be honest, i don't USUALLY) have a whole essay's worth of information to put out there. so i decided to give it a try using some handy-dandy "* * *"s... =)


i've been reading "seeking the beloved" for a few months now (i used to fly through books - meet the new, domesticated theresee). it's basically a bunch of reflections on the writings of john of the cross. i read something this morning that really stuck out to me. it's from john's "ascent of mount carmel":


"it makes little difference whether a bird is tied by a thin thread or by a cord. 

even if it is tied by thread, the bird will be held bound just as surely as if it were tied by cord; that is, it will be impeded from flying as long as it does not break the thread. 

admittedly the thread is easier to break, but no matter how easily this may be done, the bird will not fly away without first doing so. 

this is the lot of those who are attached to something: no matter how much virtue they have they will not reach the freedom of the divine union."

just that first line says it all. love, love, love it.

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i've been dreaming for, well, months, of letting her scamper around in nothing but a diaper and a tutu like a little pixie baby. today was the day...

(we've reached a point where, as long as she isn't killing herself, this kind of thing is perfectly acceptable)

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can we talk for a minute about how much i can't wait to get out of this awful little apartment? i should probably put a positive spin on that and say how much i can't wait to get into this adorable little gem:

       
i wish i had photos of the bedrooms because they are the best part, but these are all the listing had, and i didn't know if i was allowed to take pics when we were at the showing. suffice it to say they are both huge with their own separate full bathrooms and enormous closets! there's also a huge finished basement.

let me just run something down for you real quick...

this 2 bedroom, 3.5 bathroom townhouse in the middle of historic leesburg, just 8 minutes from the leesburg outlets, with tons of windows, hardwood floors, a deck, yard, white picket fence, on a corner lot twenty steps from the playground (it's catty-corner to our yard) and a nine-minute walk from church - not to mention everything i listed in the last paragraph - this precious plum is only $150 more per month than our tiny 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, dark, yardless, carpeted apartment with a tiny washer and dryer (the townhouse of course has full-sized appliances because it is perfect). 

it's been the bane of my existence that i can't just pop out my front door and go for a walk with the baby because 

1.) i have to go down a flight of stairs and out to my car to get her stroller since there's no room in the apartment for it

2.) there are only short spurts of sidewalk sprinkled throughout the complex

3.) there is literally nowhere to take her except around the complex itself. there is a playground, but even though it's in our complex, our complex is big and it's actually significantly further away than the new playground, plus it's even more difficult to get to because of the lack of sidewalks, AND it's literally RIGHT next to a creek/sewer so there are a ton of mosquitos. 

at the townhouse, we can step right out of the door and either walk right (as in the direction) to the playground, or left to walk around downtown and window shop. 

so to summarize...? um... WINNING!!!

today in the life

another quick disney story snapshot of our day! ps, the "practiced standing" one is actually a video clip, in case it's hard to tell...

destructive criticism

i've been intending to do a post on what i call "destructive criticism", and i promise to expand further upon that theme soon, but for now i'm going to share what Glennon Doyle Melton put far more eloquently than i would have on momastery.com. your thoughts are welcome! have a fantastic july 4th =)

sophie's 1st time at the pool!

i am loving this new disney story app i downloaded on my iphone. it basically lets you put together a power point with the photos and videos in your phone. i only wish it included music, but beggars can't be choosers. enjoy! (note: the first frame is a video and kinda confusing to figure out. when you click on it, it automatically comes up paused for some reason. you have to hover over it and click the pause button in order for the play button to appear. when you're done watching the video, hover over it again and click the x to see the rest of the story.)

parenting moments: the good, the bad, and the ugly

the bean is seven months old today - SEVEN! that has nothing to do with this post, but i thought i should mention it cuz it's kinda a big deal around here.

this post is about moments in parenting, none of which are particularly connected to the others. you will know this because of the "*   *   *"s clearly marking each complete change of subject.

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in my last post, i talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of our lives and how most people rarely tend to show you the bad and the ugly because, well, they are bad and ugly. and who wants to see bad and ugly?

a lot of people, as it turns out. 

(this includes me. please send me your bad and ugly moments in a comment!)

so i committed to showing you all the bad and the ugly along with the good! which seems a bit unfair to me since "bad" and "ugly" are two undesirable things and "good" is only one desirable thing, so in this case, the undesirables are clearly winning, but hey. i don't make the rules.

the good.

here is a good, desirable moment from the other day; the kind i would have instagrammed if i hadn't forgotten. 

it was a gorgeous day outside, but the baby's sunscreen had not yet arrived in the mail (yes, i ordered it on amazon. but only because safeway was all out when i went to place my online grocery order. how lazy do you think i am?), so we went on the porch instead. 

doesn't that look nice and lovely and serene? it was.

but this is what you didn't see, and wouldn't see if i weren't so committed to showing you the bad and the ugly as well. 

like the rest of my porch:

gross and GROSS. 

let's count that as both the bad and the ugly. which is probably cheating. since i don't make the rules, i don't always feel compelled to follow them either. 

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ever notice how kids have this sixth spidey sense that directs them to the ONE thing in the room you do not want them touching? i think this must have something to do with adam and the fall of man. there is no other explanation.

for example.

yesterday, i was working in the kitchen. which is rare. baby does NOT like being away from me. as sweet that is, it is also a pain, particularly when i'm trying to get something done in another room. 

on such occasions, it is necessary for me to park her outside the kitchen and surround her with crap to play with. which i did. only she didn't. instead, she did this:

in case this doesn't clear things up...

look closely.

note the various toys strewn generously across the floor (there are more, but as you can see, this is not a landscape photo). 

note the naked hanger dangling from the changing table behind her.

note the tag in her mouth. and the garment in her tiny clutches. 

note also the motion blur. this was caused by her whipping her head around in alarm as she realized that i was documenting her in the act. 

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the other day, around 4 PM, i notice something is wrong. 

i notice that, at 4 PM, my daughter is frolicking around in an adorable vintage-y frock, like this...

... and i still look like a homeless, hung-over eight-year old.

like this:

when i say "still", i mean that yes, those are the clothes i slept in the night before.

yes, that is madeline on my shirt.

yes, that is a bucket of poopy clothes behind me.

i think, "i need to fix this."

so what do i do? the normal thing to do would be to change my underwear and, oh i dunno, run a brush through my hair?

do i do this?

no.

i decide this is the perfect time for the baby to practice eating solid foods...

... and then patiently wait for her to puke on herself.

"there", i think. "now we both look like crap."

i am happy.

so there you have it. the good (see adorable, vintage-y frock), the bad (see theresee), and the ugly (see homeless, hung-over eight-year old).

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PS: that sunscreen DID end up coming in the mail! AND an adorable swimsuit to boot! AND tiny hand-me-down sunglasses from cousin tilly to re-boot!!

bring it on, summer!!

what are some of your not-so-pretty parenting moments?

what if...

i should not be blogging right now. i should be sleeping. but as it inevitably turns out, while i was ex-hau-sted all day when i needed to be doing stuff, i'm completely awake now that the baby has gone down a whole half hour earlier than usual (part of our painfully slow and not-so-steady journey towards an 8 pm bedtime like normal children have).

so here i am.

shoot!

i just remembered i never showered. i was gonna do that as soon as she went to bed...

which, weirdly enough, brings me to what i was going to write about anyway.

ok, i'm gonna make this quick so i can shower. cuz i need to. like, i really need to.

so i read a lot of blogs. "mommy blogs"(although i hate calling them that, because i think it makes it sound like i sit around all day trolling for new knitting patterns and recipes that call for 2 cups of breastmilk). my personal favorites are www.kellehampton.com and www.momastery.com (that's "momastery" as in "monastery" but not. not to be confused with "mom mastery", as i first thought).

just to give you an idea.

i've noticed that several of these women have blogged about the same topic, which i'll call the digital dilemma. in a nutshell, the idea is that many people (specifically, women, specifically, mothers) feel bad about themselves when they compare their lives to the seemingly perfect ones of their friends as portrayed on social media (facebook, instagram, pinterest, etc.). i guess these mom-bloggers get a lot of emails and whatnot from readers who say things like, "i wish i had your life, you make it all look so easy! i look at all the pictures you post of your kids in these sparkly adorable outfits, skipping around in the sunset; the spotless Easter brunch you prepared and color-coordinated to match your dining room napkins; the pinwheel cupcakes you sculpted from scratch and topped with honey you extracted by hand from the honeysuckles in your backyard... i look at these things and i feel so inadequate!!"

of course, the author always responds, you aren't getting the whole story. she is quick to point out the things you don't see, like the total meltdown child #2 had just before that particularly perfect photo was taken, or the fact that her dog ate all of the pinwheel cookies and she spend the next 2 days in bed crying about it. stuff like that.

don't worry, the bloggers reassure their freaking-out fans, for every perfect moment that gets captured on film and posted, there are 6,345,692 imperfect ones that don't.

this makes perfect sense.

i mean, how many people do you know who are running to snap photos of the worst moments of their day in order to preserve those memories for a lifetime? not me, that's for sure. and probably not you. not any of those bloggers.

but what if they did?

here's my thought about all of this. the point that the mommy-bloggers are making in response to their readers telling them how inadequate their photos and stories make them feel is to say, "don't feel bad about yourself - just because we only post the good and pretty stuff doesn't mean there isn't also bad and ugly stuff in our lives. you just don't see it because we don't show it."

my thing is, what if they did show it, and we did see it?

what if, instead of only posting photos of myself on days when i've showered, i also posted one of myself sitting here right now, in the same clothes and underwear i woke up in:

what if, instead of only posting photos of my pinterestly perfect meals (ok, let's face it, i don't actually generate those kinds of meals in reality), i showed you the mealworm in my artichoke:

what if, while i have yet to take any un-adorable photos of soph, i told you that at 6 months, she still is not sleep-trained, goes to bed around 9:30, and wakes up 4-5 times a night, and we are too big of pushovers to let her cry it out? what if i told you that, as i've been writing this, after having successfully gotten her into bed at 9, she woke up at 9:20 and has been screaming so loud i'm afraid she'll wake the dead (not to be confused with the deceased -- that's just what we call our next door neighbors who come by and complain if we flush the toilet too loudly)?

what if, unlike any other mother-blog i've yet to come across (although i'm sure they exist; i'm not THAT original), i gave you the bad and the ugly along with the good?

i think i'm going to start.

because, while i ADORE my blogs (i seriously think i would cease to function without kellehampton.com), i think i would like to see one that takes things a step beyond "trust me, my life isn't perfect, even if i only show you the perfect stuff".

let's start showing that imperfect stuff! after all, that's reality. and i think a lot of us would feel a whole lot better if we SAW that other people's reality was just as messy as our own.

i know i would.

and on that note, my kid has finally stopped screaming...! i made it!!! i think i'll reward myself with a shower before (hopefully) getting a decent night's sleep.

scratch that. she literally started screaming again as i typed that last sentence. in the spirit of being brutally honest.

and continuing in that spirit... i'm totally about to go console her.

i know. i'm a miserable failure. just like the rest of you.

just kidding ;-)

goodnight!